The Chronicles of Six

I know that you probably think that I’m just sitting down eating cannolis all day but I’ve actually been really busy of late. Stuff has been popping off, you know?  Here is a peek into the month of May 2009.

Cassie’s Got Goodies

Aspiring music industry starlet, Cassie, showed the world her vagina to boost album sales recently. In addition to a full frontal nude picture in which Cassie is holding each leg with each hand, she also released some topless photos. I’m not going to be one of those people that will post the pictures to his website, but let’s just say that I’ve seen the photos. I’d like to take this time to thank Cassie, personally, for letting me know that both of her nipples are pierced in addition to her clitoris.  The only thing we haven’t seen from Cassie is her anus, so I feel like I might be ready to pretend that I know an actual song that Cassie sings now. I’m still not buying her album, but it sure was nice to see her vagina. Thanks again, Cassie. I’m sure you’re destined to be a big star. Even if you don’t make it, I want you to know that you can always call me. Seriously if it doesn’t work out, and Sean Combs finally marries Kim Porter, I want you to know that it isn’t too late to just email me so we can talk about it.

Rihanna’s Got Goodies

Not to be outdone, certified R&B diva Rihanna decided to go ahead and put her assets out there in the World Wide Web and pictures of her lady parts suddenly started appearing along with pictures of Chris Brown with panties on his head. I don’t think that Rihanna won this round –despite her star power, because she never went full spread eagle like Cassie did. The best that Rihanna could do was the lean-over, back shot that left some, more obscure, parts of her vagina up for the imagination. If you are a heterosexual Black male, I hope that you have had a chance to view the pictures. If not, email me on this site and I’ll see what I can do. There are so many other sites out there that are probably showing it that you could Google the key words and I bet that the photos come up. It’s not like she didn’t put them out there herself for the whole world to see so I’m not really promoting it like that. I do condone her behavior, though. Rihanna, you may carry on…

Really Now? Really?

Some kid dropped out of San Diego High School after his junior year to play professional basketball overseas. (Sound familiar?) Yes, pretty soon this will have The Problem with Middle School Sports written all over it but I couldn’t bring myself to do the actual research on this story in order to make it pop. You’ll just have to take my word for how dumb this move is. On the one hand you have an opportunity to get a lot of money from your rather mundane ability to put a round ball in a round hole. On the other hand, you aren’t going to be academically, emotionally, or socially prepared to satisfy the bare minimum of this society’s standard for a functional human being. Dropping out of college for the cash makes a little more sense, if only because college has long been categorized as optional. (However, my father would make the argument today that the facts are changing.) The last time that I checked, high school was mandatory and guys that can’t finish are destined to not get God’s joke about their life.

I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t this strangely reminiscent of surfing icon Joel Tudor and the fact that he left his high school and California in order to pursue a professional career? Well, sort of but I would make a strong case that Joel’s journey took him at least to high school equivalency because the mentoring structure is different in professional surfing than embarking in professional basketball. A life of traveling the world surfing for a living is the equivalent of getting a PhD in life studies or at the worst leisure studies. Traveling the world playing in various basketball leagues, even with a General Equivalency Degree (GED), amounts to coming limp and there doesn’t seem to be much glory in at all. A voluntary expatriate might soon realize that the comforts of home are not so bad at all regardless of how much success is abroad or how poor his conditions were before. The difference is probably the fact that there is simply no other way in surfing, and the established routes in basketball are so tried and true it rather looks like Jeremy Tyler is running from something.  Time will surely tell.  As a people, black folk have been down this road too many times to count... Although he could be a millionaire.

How’s About Them Stags?

In high school sports the Stags had a good spring. DeMatha was in the hunt in everything, but ended up taking the two more WCAC championships in tennis and then lacrosse. The golf team couldn’t get it firing like last year and the super sophomore Ben Warnquist didn’t successfully defend his titles in the WCAC when they lost Paul VI; and again in the Private Schools Championship when he lost to Georgetown Prep by a significant stroke margin. The Stags’ baseball team made the play-offs and lost to an excellent Bishop Ireton Cardinals team 4-2 in the semi-finals. (The baseball final featured what some are calling a shift in power to the two Virginia schools Bishop Ireton and Paul VI –who also won a state title in the sport this year in addition to the WCAC title.) The track team missed their opportunity to defend their crowns when star junior Corey Puffet went down in the first day on with an injury and Gonzaga won their third WCAC title in the year. 

Senior golfer Luke Thatcher will graduate from DeMatha in June along with the rest of the bunch, so he is pictured here to represent yet another great class of Stags.   It also gives you a good shot at his golf bag and golf shirt.  Basically, the DeMatha uniforms are fresh and you should root for them.  Seriously if you don't, I heard that you're the devil.  At the very least, you'd be considered one of his minions.  The bottom line is that Luke Thatcher still had a great year and no matter what happens in the sport of golf, he still has a bright future ahead of him.  My hats are really off to the seniors this year.  They represented so hard and so official that I am sure that this year is going down in the history books as one of the best.  Maybe they didn't win as many titles as other years, but something about this class was certainly special.

Stags LAX

It is a good thing that Tommy Chroniger is on the lacrosse team because he scored the go-ahead goal in the championship game against Saint Mary's Ryken.  It is also a good thing that the tennis team was mad about losing to Gonzaga last year because DeMatha has a grand total of four WCAC titles this year. (One more than Gonzaga has.) I didn’t make any of the lacrosse games this year because they play right after school and I’m usually still working. I’m really sorry because I heard that we had a really nice team this year. As usual, DeMatha spent most of their time concentrating on winning the 2009 WCAC lacrosse championship at the expense of losing bragging rights games to traditional Washington DC area powers, Georgetown Prep and Landon. We did beat St. Albans this year, which rounds out the IAC conference second tier of competition, so the Stags might be ready to make another run at an undefeated season if they can get their acts together. If you don’t know lacrosse personalities, then you have no idea what I’m talking about but 11 out of the last 12 WCAC championships ain’t bad. We still only had one conference loss this year so to them it probably didn’t matter to them that much when they lost to the rich kids from another conference during tune-up games. DeMatha senior Phillip Poe doesn't seem like the kind of kid that gives a damn how much money you might have in the bank because he is still going to win all of the face-offs, anyway. 

Stags Tennis Backhand Smacks That Gonzaga

Speaking about the rich kids in the conference, I’m always glad when we can stick it to Gonzaga. (See Phillip Poe photo above.)  I’m so happy that the DeMatha Stag tennis team totally did it to the Purple Eagles, too. Some of you already know that I grew up playing lacrosse on Long Island and have a great deal of affection for the sport, but I want you to know that I have also enjoyed tennis. The reason why I bring this up is because I learned at a very early age that certain sports require a certain mind set in order to be successful in them. (I was fair in both, but not totally awesome: I have endurance but only a slight superiority complex.) I alluded to it in the preceding paragraph in trying to capture a slice of the lacrosse personality, but the bottom line is that tennis is an individual form of the same general complex.  DeMatha definitely had the tennis player that worked the hardest last year, and yet we still lost the team championship in 2008. In 2009 the Stags came in with the right attitude and carried the cerebral sport in a sweep with the best individual player and the WCAC title over defending Gonzaga. It doesn’t get much sweeter than that. DeMatha senior John Collins took the individual honors so he is pictured in the inset, here.  Well, at least he's in the smaller one.

Bring on the victory girls…

Steady Showers: Idea Development Department 

Brain Teaser is a vigilante that eventually kills people after torturing them using his wits. I need to know if anyone out there in the cartoon world can help me develop this character that I want to write into life. I need someone that can draw comics or anime to help me with the vision. So who’s ‘bout it? I think that the world is ready for a new kind of super hero. I think that we can take the new mythology to higher heights. I probably have enough for two series right now, but I could do a whole lot more if I knew what these people looked like. Holler at your boy and send me a message on this web site if you think that you might know somebody.

Anyway, back by popular demand, Miss Denise Milani.  She's holding it down for a lot of people out there in the Internet world.  I'm really feeling the purple, too.  I bet her knee caps are sexy.  From what I can see of her elbows, they're off the hook.  I'm not saying that she's perfect, or anything.  Just sayin'.

You Tube It

Have you guys seen The Top Sixty Ghetto Names of all time? Two Latino kids made it up. Some are crying racism and others just find it funny. Here’s how I draw the line: if I want to join in, then it’s funny. If I don’t join in, it’s not funny and you’re a racist bastard. The highlights from the You Tube video:

Fri’chikeneisha: you know it’s wrong, but would laugh if you heard it.

Koolaidria: again, this one is pure genius.

Obamaniqua: it is a sign of the times, and you know some black mom will do it.

Collargreeneisha: borderline over the top, but Oleracea and cruciferous vegetables excite me.

Clitorisandrea: I think that this one already happened in real life.

Timberlandria: This is one that was destined to be manifested.

Newportia: 100% true, just like the menthol cigarettes.

La’weavatrice: I bet that there are one’s out there that are close to this now.

I’m adding Dankeneesha and Bluntrishia as two more personal favorites to round out the top ten. Okay, last one: Rapperecia. I guess, I think that it’s funny so my brown brothers get a pass.  If you happened to be offended by my contributions in this area, rest assured that I at least provided an educational link as an escape.  (See above.)  If you just clicked on the video then you really need to start owning up to your responsibilities and contributions in the degeneration of our society.  Seriously.  Get a grip.

The Battle of the Beltway: Baseball Edition

I was in DC for the Memorial Day weekend and taking in the festivities of the Nationals versus Orioles baseball series in our nation’s capital. It was totally fresh. The Washington Nationals actually suck pretty badly but there is nothing like going to see professional baseball in America. I think that is why they call it America’s pastime. I don’t trust Americans that say that they don’t like baseball or Coca-Cola. I don’t trust men that don’t love their mothers either. I also seem to have a problem with people that don’t own washcloths, but that might be being a bit snobbish. So is the thing about not trusting men without any facial hair or playing cards with men named after cities. All of the little quirks that I have probably owe themselves to something deeply seated in my subconscious, but whatever.

(There was this time that I lost like $50 in a dice game while breaking the cardinal rule about dice games: Never shoot dice with someone that has dice tattooed somewhere on their body.) I'm cutting off all my facial hair for the summer. Anyway the only reason why I’m bringing all of this stuff up is because the Nationals actually won a game during the series. I got to see a grand slam in the Washington Nationals ballpark during an 8-5 win. I think that the person that hit it was Adam Dunn, the left fielder. The Nationals really don’t win that many games so this was a rare occurrence, indeed. Of course, it is still the beginning of the season and there is a long way to go, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’ll be back on the baseball tip. This series doesn’t have anything on the New York Mets versus New York Yankees, but it was kind of cool to see how it all went down, Beltway style. 

Another great year for the DeMatha Stags graduation Bonus Round:

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten either write something worth reading or do things worth the writing." -Benjamin Franklin

The single, greatest issue of Frank magazine ever published is about to be released and I need you to make every effort to go out and get it. (Have it delivered.)  Of course, I’m not just saying that because I’m in the aforementioned issue of Frank. (Claim bomb!) I would be saying that it is the greatest issue of Frank that I have ever seen, anyway.  Enter the 36^th chapter of Frank and order your subscription today, friends. The best $12 that you’ll spend on anything that isn’t drug related and paper-based this year.

I guess here is the part that I tell you that everybody’s favorite stylist was the guest curator for a one of a kind naked girl extravaganza. I’m sure that you would have figured that out on your own because my sister’s real secret to styling is to keep everybody in as little clothing as possible. [Cut to Lysa saying, “take off all your clothes… Hold this plunger… Ok, we’re ready for the album cover.’] Lysa isn’t just preaching like a hypocrite, though. (I thought that I already told ya'll about capitalizing on iconography?) In this issue of Frank my sister is naked on every other page. The interview was a nice touch though because it explains everything.

Frank is a multiracial cross between High Times, Playboy, The Source, and Jet –only smaller.  There are two Japanese girls, one Latina hottie, and even a clown showing a little titty in the 36^th installment of Frank Magazine. So to be blessed like that you think that it would have taken lawyers to broker a deal of this magnitude? You’d be wrong. About eight years ago I was kicking it with Mike and “Steve” Malbon and I expressed an interest in writing for Frank because they own it. Mike was like “yeah, I want to do something with your sister” or some other disrespectful shit like that. Steve just stood there rolling a blunt.

Anyway I floated the idea of writing an article on her, but to be honest with you, I would do a poor job. I think that I must have known that going in because I don’t think that I actually submitting anything for publication. What did happen is we all got seriously blowed up in the club that night. Mike kept going on and on about how he could somehow have Lysa affiliated with the magazine. (I already thought that she was, honestly –and then I reconsidered in my reply.) I think this happened a little later than that One World with Russell Simmons came out and I might have made the remark, “she’ll do it if you let her take it over” in between puffs.

Anyway, someone must have heard me say that at the party over there on the West Side back in the day because it just went down.

That’s the kind of shit I bring to the table. (Put me on. Check the wmv and pdf samples. Six figures for a creative genius.) And there you have it: when you couple creativity with a whole lot of brainpower it can sometimes look a little too easy.  Just about anybody thinks that they have the stuff that the genuine synergy yields when they stand so close.  The kid from Glen Cove has been shining since before he had bars on his shoulders and earned a couple of college degrees.  Once more, he did it when nobody saw him coming but even if you went head to head with Long Island BIG DIC chances are you'll be wiping your eyes.  Uneducated clowns swear that they’re the bee’s knees and fail to recognize that even strong chains won’t turn without gears or grease. I’m sorry but I can’t stand it when otherwise good planning goes completely to waste because of an avaricious pursuit of ulterior motives –unless they’re mine.

When I think of the trivialities of good faith tokens that could alleviate the flagrant fouls against hipster-dom, it makes me shudder to contemplate associations. Cats are out there really thinking like they could possibly fake this Renaissance that is clearly going down.  Does anyone out there really believe that hopping on and claim bombing your way to a brighter future is going to pay greater lifelong dividends over the classical study of art, literature, science and management?  Somebody should have told ya'll that nobody could stop The Bruzz because, if you clicked on the links in the preceding paragraph you'll realize that I not only study the classics, I put them into practice. I guess I wanted to share some of the underbelly of the freelance hipster grind with you because everything doesn’t always turn up sweet in that life either. If corporate America is impermanent then hipster America is like trying to build on air, or in this case, smoke. Some people would say that I constantly glorify it on my website, so let this stand as an example for the contrary argument that I am balanced. See, I cut back significantly.

The good part about all of this is, of course, that the whole Frank thing went off without a hitch though. It only took the better part of decade with those stoners over there in quarterly magazine land. (Someone really needs to tell them that they aren’t exactly destroying stereotypes of potheads across the globe by publishing a very small magazine –filled mainly with pictures, only four times a year.) I love those guys over there at Frank though. Mike and Steve Malbon, two white guys, have done a lot for the downtown black man of leisure.

Anytime you have U-God getting shout-outs in your advertisements for your appointment-only barbershop that happens to be open on Sundays, you’re making it happen. Anytime that your crew throws open-bar parties in the middle of the day in downtown lofts that nobody even really knows about unless you’re NYC official then you’re making it happen. Anytime that you make it happen while in the club making it happen then you’re definitely making it happen!  I won’t even get into the fact that they got the freshest fitted hats in the game right now. (It’s a good time to have paper. Speaking of paper, my mans Georgie at Frank’s Chop Shop told me that Frank just inked a deal with Bambú.) Mike and Steve made it pop off, and I really respect them for that.

Shout-outs to Irina Lazar, Francesco Clemente, Vanessa Salle, and Camellia Clouse!

We lost one of the greats the other day and I have been purposefully remiss in writing about it. It isn’t like Shawn Mortensen wasn’t one of my good friends, but the iconic photographer decided to take his own life. (At one point we split time on my sister's couch.  We shared many a philosophical moment as our lives were caught in crossroads and needing the assistance of others.)  My own personal philosophy prevents me from concurring in acts of suicide so let that be a warning to you should you decide to determine the timing of your departure from this world; I will not comply with the timing of my grief for you. Just like the loss of another old friend not more than two months ago, this one is deep. Shawn spent his last days in close contact with my brother who has a knack for getting people they help they need as far as rehabilitation is concerned.  It must have been pretty bad on Shawn in order to lose such hope because I've seen him overcome even more insurmountable odds.  I feel sort of numb to it all because of the proximity to the death of my friend Coleman Mellett so I won’t write too much about Shawn. I wrote that “we lost” Shawn because you know him too and if you’re reading this you know his work speaks for itself.

I had an insatiable thirst for knowledge about rap celebrities that I idolized from being trapped on a ship in complete isolation and when I got out of the Coast Guard I could always pick Shawn's brain.  He had worked with them all.  Shawn knew if they were for real, or just phony.  Shawn was one of the guys that you could kick it with all night, too.  He would match you drink for drink, and he wasn't leaving until all the good weed was smoked.  That's a guy's guy for you, right there.  Thinking about all of this shit is actually fucking me up right now and I know why I couldn't write anything when it happened.  When Lysa told me I was in total disbelief.  Part of me still is, and I keep thinking of silly stuff like the superstition that says this kind of thing happens in threes.  It's real dumb sounding, too.  I'm out here writing a blog about someone that I probably could have saved.  I'm not saying that my brother wasn't a good choice seeing as though they shared the same addiction and city of Los Angeles...  I don't even know what I'm saying, anymore.  Maybe I just wish that I had some more time with Shawn.  I know that it is totally selfish of me considering everything that must have transpired to even get to the point, but I can't help but think about it.

I borrowed some of his pictures for The Chronicles of Six because I'm trying to remember more of the good stuff about Shawn.  Whether you knew it or not, Shawn Mortensen probably provided the images that you associate with your favorite artists.  The man was probably the most published photographer of the musicians of Generation X.  Shawn was there (in NYC) when hip-hop started but he didn't just ride that wave.  Shawn crossed genres.  He hit all of the icons in his time and made them even more iconic.

Ghostface Killah, Ian Brown, Ice Cube, Wu-Tang Clan, Dr. Dre, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Mos Def, The Notorious B.I.G. (twice), Tupac (twice), John Lee Hooker, Eric Clapton and John Lee Hooker, and the Godfather of Soul James Brown are some of my favorites.  Click on Shawn's name above and find your own favorites.  I think that my friend probably took their picture, too. 

Shawn, I put on the Biggie Smalls in a celebration of your life homey.  We'll always share a love for Brooklyn's Finest and I always understood and forgave your love of Tupac.  I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings in your arguments about who was the bigger influence on the culture.  I'm willing to give all the points awarded for charisma over to you, my friend.  I'm going to miss you.

What can I say about April, other than spring? This time of year really speaks to me now that I’m not living in the land of perpetual summer anymore. The winter was especially cold for your boy. 2008 was great but we have to be honest with ourselves after a first quarter assessment of this year. Newer goals have to be set because the parameters are so official and constant.  I am fortunate enough to write that I have already achieved the pinnacle that I had imagined in my youth and the vision has finally shifted.

The latest development these days is that I still have a great job and I’m still single. I know that it really doesn’t make much sense, but that is exactly how it is going down. If this keeps up much longer, I’ll be living in Japan and holding down the Land of the Rising Sun. Stacking chips on a whole new level is what is going down in 2009, and everybody knows that you’ll definitely need a lot of paper if you want to live in Tokyo. And, yes, I want to live in Tokyo – I hear that they have nice precincts there.  Well I don't necessarily have to live there forever, but I think that a year or six would be nice.

I don’t think that it is much of a secret now that my next destination is the Far East. I have to seriously see one of those meditative gardens. My fascination could be getting the better of me, but I believe that I am destined to see where all of these Cherry Blossom trees came from. They better never let me get over there with a working Visa either, because then I know that I’m never coming back. Even though I don’t speak Japanese, I feel like I’m a fast learner and I will still roll the dice in a heartbeat.

The flowers are absolutely out of control. As you already know, I absolutely love flowers. Flowers are blooming all around despite the fact that it is still early in the season. I love it when the flowers bloom and fill the air with their fragrances of herbal fornication.  It just makes me want to get out there and stare them down while they are still here.  I won't even gather them anymore.  I believe that gathering them is a young person's game, but I'm free to gaze.  Just as spring follows winter, you cannot interrupt the natural order of things.  Yeah I'm totally rambling and not focused but I got you to look at all these flowers.

Dr. Poston would be proud.

The following short posts are meant to be read aloud in your best Ghostface Killah voice: a real heavy Staten Island, ghetto, authoritative, prison-trained accent that requires lingual dexterity.  You need to stay on your dean to get all that you can out what is on the screen right now.  It's almost 5%, but not really, so I suspect you'll do okay if you can talk like you got some sense and understand how the words should be stressed.

The Foreign Exchange

I forgot to tell you people that I went to the Foreign Exchange show at The Black Cat not too long ago. (I want to say it was March 6.) Normally I’m not that all that thrilled about going to R&B shows, especially alone, but I had to make the trip to see what it was all about. Yeah, great music is something that you have to go and see with or without a date, sometimes. “Something To Behold.” I don’t have any pictures so you’ll have to take my word for it.  I guess you'll also have to take my word that The Foreign Exchange put on a good show.  The opening act was cute.

There were some things there, too, but all bunned. I drank Guinness and called it early.

Guess That Stylist

So Keyshia Cole came to Washington DC to some NABOB event where she received R&B singer of the year. March 19 and a child must have been thinking, “Oh, what to wear? What to wear?” You get the picture. But if you didn’t get the pictures here is how it went down in my mind. We didn’t linger at the NABOB event even though DJ Clark Kent was spinning for the people in tuxedos at the Woodley Park hotel. Instead, Lysa and I went to Dukem on U Street and then to Rudy & Natalie’s to check on the kids. Once again this proved to be the best plan. The McGann’s make it pop off.

And then Tom sent me a text and said that Lysa was looking good in VIBE with T.I. on the cover. (There is a short article on Lysa in that VIBE, too.)  I remember actually who-riding the set because T.I. isn't even in jail yet and his picture alluded to a certain transformation made by one Malcolm "Detroit Red" Little into Malcolm X.  (A transformation that was made while he was currently incarcerated is such a miracle when one considers the American system of justice and how it relates to oppression -especially pronounced in his time.)  Incidentally, I can make the same argument for the transformation made by Malcolm X into one El Hajj Malik el Shabazz.  That is right black knowledge right there.  That's free for the streets right there.  I stole these pictures from Bossip so I feel I have to give a little something back.  Quietly, Bossip is a secret addiction of mine.  Don't tell nobody, though. 

I guess nobody told Keyshia that her dress was a little too short to be on a stage sitting on a stool.  For obvious reasons I'm actually a fan of that move, though.  I'm only mentioning this because there are folks out there that think that my sister's job is to actually select the actual outfit for the artist.  Without giving away her trade secrets, I will merely state that Lysa is more apt to show the world anyway.  I'm going to need to keep my man union card and its already bad enough that my sister has me writing about fashion on my blog.  Is it really that deep?

And NABOB means National Association of Black Own Broadcasters so you need to study on that.

I’m Too Busy Working; Stags Lost at Alhambra; Dream Big

I’m in the midst of major project productions so I haven’t been following the Stags at Alhambra.  As a direct result of my inattention, I believe they lost to St. Francis of Baltimore and they will not be playing for the Championship as they previously had dreamed. I know that it kind of sucks but let’s be honest here for a second: as long as the Stags didn’t lose to Gonzaga I’m okay. We definitely got our shine on this year and nobody can take that away from the DeMatha Stags. Two out of three goals for the year aren’t bad. Naji Hibbert was right when he said that there aren’t that many DeMatha teams that are able to win the triple crown of Washington DC metropolitan area basketball.

This year’s team is certainly worthy of a favorable recording in history having won the WCAC regular season championship, WCAC tournament championship, and City Title. Sure it wasn’t exactly the triple crown that we would have liked, but we also won our game on ESPNU against Bishop O’Connell. That was a big time win, mark my words. DeMatha will be featured on national television again, next year, my friends. The future is looking bright for the Stags. Quinn Cook is coming back.  Victor Oladipo is coming back. Jerian Grant is coming back. Michael Hopkins is coming back. James Robinson is coming back. If this season was about coping with loss, and I suspect it was, then certainly next season is about to be the blossoming of the seedlings.

Mike Jones has sown his garden well and there are only better kids coming like the Kardashians. The league has to deal with at least two guys in every Stag class that want to go out like winners and the varsity is completely stacked up. Can anyone think of a basketball team more balanced than that in any league in the country? These guys could break records. If they mess around and have two more years of 30 wins and minimal losses a National Championship isn’t inconceivable. I don’t know if we have a solid post presence that can steady us for a run like that but if one were to materialize I think that it would be safe to say that the Stags should dream as big as Kim's ass. We haven’t won one since I was in school: 1991, and if you’ve been following DeMatha then you know we’re just about due.

Anyway, keeping it totally real, the Stags did a hell of a job and this was only the beginning.  There will be more girls paraded on this site victoriously.  Monica Sofia, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian are here to show you that your three titles aren't bad.  Sure the photos could have been better, like the football championship, but these still are not completely terrible.  Sure Alhambra would have been nice, but we still have the regular season, tournament and City Title to console ourselves with. We still red, white and blue. 

We're still America's Catholic High School Team.  Stags are going to continue to run this. 

GO STAGS!

Sugar Ray Cooper is a Celebrity

Here’s the part where I tell you that my life is ridiculous and everyone always pretends like their life can somehow compare. I mean people that aren’t my friends. The people that are my friends are just as weird and their lives are touched in some special way as well so it doesn’t really apply to them like that. But anyway in the latest issue of Cooper chronicles Sugar Ray, my sister’s black terrier, was recently caught out on a frozen lake chasing geese and my man Eric had to save him. In an ordinary person’s life, Eric wouldn’t be one of the founding father’s of reality television (Real World New York) and he wouldn’t be stripped down naked swimming in a frozen lake.

No, seriously, I’m totally not kidding. It’s totally true and there are pictures and Internet news stories to prove it. Sugar Ray Cooper is official in the game. I would also like to take this time to tell you that Eric is totally out of control. Once he tried to sell my friend on this pee therapy and he’s always doing a lot of healthy fasting and all that kind of stuff. Two summers ago (the 40th anniversary of the Summer of Love) he got into a contest with Dirty Jefe to see who could get the tannest. Eric is always into something super white boy, hippie, but usually with a super healthy slant to it as well. His girlfriend is always smoking hot and super healthy too. They travel the world together holding it down and surfing and looking beautiful while healing people for a living.

I’m not kidding. What the hell kind of life is that? It was crap like this that I was paid to warn kids against when I was teaching biology and chemistry at Xavier and now they are, quite brazenly, my idols. Eric strips down naked and swims in a frozen lake to save my sister’s dog and magically cameras appear and he doesn’t even die in a death defying heroic act. You can’t make this stuff up. An ordinary person tries to do this nobody sees him drown and everyone is talking about how stupid he was to risk his life for a dog at his funeral because he kept his clothes on and froze like a Eskimo pie. Does anyone else see the irony in all of this? Mr. Coconut Water gets to talk about getting in a “horse stance” and “rapid punching” another day when the average Joe would most certainly be dead.

Okay, I clearly got the photos from TMZ, and so is the link above, but you get the general idea.  I don't really promote TMZ like that, but whatever.  There it is.  If I get enough of a positive response on this Eric stuff I promise to show you video of Eric on the surfboard simulator at the Venice Beach place.  That video is gold, I tell you.  Gold.